*Warning Sarcastic Content…

15th October 2017.

Warning* sarcastic content which includes inappropriate language and ranting…

Warning** Male members may want to run away and hide…

WARNING*** Male members who may know me or work with me in a professional capacity definately do want to run away, hide and never read this post. As you will NEVER be able to unread it and may never be able to make eye contact again…

So turning 40 is amaze balls ain’t it…

Flirty 40 my ass…

Try fat 40, saggy 40, fall apart 40, freaking world destruction 40. What the f**k 40… you get the idea right?

I swear to Valhalla it’s like revisiting your awkward teenage years again but worse, which is so frigging unfair. I had my fair share of of teenage horror including horrendous acne (actually I had most of the classes share of acne) so you’d think I’d get a break. Ha! Nope!

Acne is a peach, try red blotches, acne and pillow impressions that stay put in your not so elastic skin for hours, very becoming eh! As for chin exercises…bollocks unless you are happy to resort to tying a rag round your head like the ghost of Christmas past in A Chistmas Carol, you just need to own that wobble chin.

Then there’s, hot flushes, cold flushes, shivers, rages and down right not giving a f**k mood swings. With retorts like “oooh is it that time” or “shark bait” I WILL freaking stab you in the side of your face with the fork I’m holding (because I’m on a ruddy diet n eating my vegs).

Oh and the diet, yeah that’s amaze as at 40 every thought of food turns into a 8lb gain, never mind eating it. Now I’m pretty sure I’ve lost this week, as I’ve had a good week, I just need my digestive system to release the lbs.

I’ve synned my chocolate n everything (Oh I will sumo wrestle any animal, child, baby or grown up to the floor should they try to take some.) Although I will check behind me first to make sure I won’t kill anyone with the fire and ice gases that may release from the exertion of huge amount of ‘speed food’ I have consumed.

So mix all of this in with three, yes three teenage boys, who are either whinging like little babies, bawling their eyes out because life isn’t fair or doing me out of money or food and think they are always right. Well I will accept that challenge, I’m 40, I’m grumpy, bring it on. I WILL WIN (or sulk in a corner if I’m bested, but I haven’t been bested yet!)

And let’s face it at 40 my hormones and periods are a complete cockwomble, I mean come on, are we having one this month or are we not. Is it going to be 3 hrs, 3 days or 3 months long. I mean what better way is there to release hormonal moods on besting your ‘too big for their boots teenagers’.

I constantly tell my self to be more dog, not to engage with stupid, as lets face it when I was twelve I had a plan. I was going to eat what I want and get fat because I would be old. I wouldn’t have to worry about people, arguments and disagreements because I’d be an adult and adults don’t do that (Ha!).

I’m 40+ and still constantly remind myself, don’t engage, walk away because lets be honest life’s too short and living what you have, is about being the best person you can be. Sadly though, you cannot control other people and how they behave. I am reminded this by being very lucky recently to have a 1:10 ratio in an awful situation. For one horrid person, 10 lovely ones have been gifted to me. Life is a perspective.

I could rant for ages on being in the WTF40s club and with comments like “you think that’s bad, wait til the 50s!” Jeeze man, kill me now but I don’t want to scare you all away.

So…

Have a great weekend. If you are coming up to 40 fill it with dogs, it will be the only way to stay sane. Remember stabbing someone with a fork is assault (Although I think about it often) 😎

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