Lord Willie the brave. First of his name. Ruler of the cat lands, protector of the green clan, advisor and suitor to lady Maggie the fair and cousin to Duchess Rosie of the mad lands here.
I wish to make a formal complaint to you my faithful subjects. You are already aware of my dissatisfaction of the care I have been receiving from my lazy servants Mr & Mrs 3WD&P of late; the lack of treats and people food, offering of only two or three walks a day and the disruption of having been made to move off the furniture.
Sadly, much to my horror the situation has not improved but rather got worse. I mean take today for instance Mrs 3WD&P didn’t even come home after ‘work’ but went gallavanting to a friend’s house for coffee – a friend’s house with two – yes two residence westies. She left us here waining away, unloved, uncuddled and treat less to love another. She could not even deny the fact as her clothes smelt of her betrayal and I’m pretty sure there were lick marks on her collar – she is cheating on us. We are distraught, our lives have been pulled apart with heart break after heart break.
It is just the last straw. I mean it’s bad enough she tricked us into visiting the vet yesterday – and I suspect that thats not over yet. Or that she is constantly changing her hair colour (it’s pink now) and very confusing for us poor regal pooches – I mean we like structure and routine here. So changing our walking routines to an hour later is so very stressful. My bowel does not know if it’s coming or going.
You may be sitting there thinking this doesn’t sound all bad but add it to all those indignations we have quietly endured until now to keep the peace; worming, grooming, flea treatments, bathing, sharing our seats and big bed with the hoomans, having to give a paw for people food (so demeaning), being brushed and purfume up, only been fed twice a day, not allowed to take ourselves for walks, being chastised for wanting out at 2am in the morning. The list is endless.
This has to stop, so I ask can you recommend someone. I think we need a good legal representative to get these hoomans in shape. I know my rights – they can’t treat us like this.