The five moves of Pigcat…

Unbeknownst to us Pigcat has his own martial art moves they have been refined and passed down from generation to generation and only the most disciplined and honoured members are bestowed with this family secret.

However, we have been allowed a sneak peek as Pigcat has deemed we are worthy to spectate in his daily exercises and routines but has asked me to put this disclaimer up;

* For generations my ancestors have mastered these complex routines and exercises. Please do not attempt these at home or without consulting a health advisor as no liability will be accepted. *These routines and exercises are the sole property of Lord Pigcat the first of his name, magnificant tail and protector of sleep, therefore the copying or theft of these moves are protected under the ‘cats are dicks’ legislation act of 1977.

Should you accept these disclaimers, please read on;

Move one – the stretch and sleep. This move is the easiest of all the moves, the aim it to start in a tight curled up position and then to slowly stretch out until you are in an uncomfortable but comfortable sleeping position that is both in and outside of any perimeters.

Move two – to rotate around a one quarter turn, while also raising your head to make eye contact with the servant standing dumbfounded in the corner. A slight twitch of the tail at this point when the stretch is complete is acceptable.

Move three – rotate the quarter turn back to the surface, with a speed that is not too slow too make the move look awkward but neither too fast to faceplant the surface – concentration will be needed not to do the latter.

Move four – while in this down position, slowly extract the claws and out stretch the front legs; while allowing your trunk and back legs to go floppy and inert.

Move five – use your outstretched front legs and claws to drag yourself forward (while still lying on your side ) toward your people servant and then flip your body to the side and relax into position.

You have now completed the ‘Lazycatdrag’ move. You do not need to move or exercise again for the rest of the day and if any such person(s) attempts to stroke or pet you stay floppy and willing for a five second period and then claw or bite the hand that has taken advantage of your exhaustion after completing such a complicated set of exercises…

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